Tourney Season Has Arrived!

Well Young Jedi is home sick, he came home with a fever yesterday and I had a few quiet minutes before the Advil kicked in and now he hasn’t stopped talking and I’m going Bat 💩 crazy! 😜 So I figured it was a good time to blog about Sporty’s first tournament while he was engrossed in She-Ra (seriously, it’s a thing on Netflix, I don’t have the heart to tell him I used to watch it when I was little, cause he thinks I’m 100).

Sporty’s team went 0-4 but they just came together (we actually didn’t have a full roster last weekend so we were borrowing some players) so I’m hoping now that we have 10 and they’re playing together that we start to get some Ws. Sporty played great, probably the best I’ve seen her play. She was so confident and composed, she definitely lives for the softball field and is a different person out there. She even introduced herself to the umpire while she was catching which she was too shy to do last year. She was so confident and composed in the batter’s box. It was really awesome to see all of her hard work from the summer really come to fruition. She caught, played 2nd, 3rd and shortstop (which I didn’t even know she knew how to do! Lol). And she got her helmet sticker for talking on the field and encouraging her teammates. Finally the loud voice that gets her in trouble in school is beneficial for softball!

At the plate she led off, had one strike out, reached first on a drop third strike (outran the throw, not bad for a girl heading halfway across the country to see an orthopedic surgeon next week!), hit a double which probably could have been a triple but the runner in front of her stopped, tried her soft slap (got thrown out but she tried), and hit a signal to the shortstop which was too hard for her to handle. She was also a stealing machine and one of the umpires tapped her on her helmet and told her nice base running. Most of all she was so proud of her play and her feet were sore but in a non-Clubfoot way and in more of a “she’s out of tournament shape” way. A little epsom salt bath on Sunday morning and she was good to go.

This hit she had an 0-2 count and worked it to a 3-2. Fouled off 2 balls, stepped out of the box, took a deep breath, got in and ripped it. The confidence blew Poppa Bear and I away!

Not bad running for a Clubfoot kiddo facing potential surgery. Situations like this make me hope and pray for no surgery. So please send no surgery vibes our way!

Well I hope this post spread a little more positive energy than my last one 😆. For the record I’ve had some kick ass spin classes since my post. Best stress relief but I was also weak and procured these at Target to partake in some stress eating 🙈. And the magnesium suggestions were spot on, I started taking some and my feet and leg cramps have improved, hoping after the stress of next week passes we’ll be back to normal.

Young Jedi had a checkin with his neurologist yesterday (4 hours prior to his fever spiking) and ASD Level 1 was confirmed for him but he assured me now we can get Young Jedi the services he deserves so I know it will be a fight but a good fight. We’ll be back on the softball fields for another tournament this weekend and Sporty and I are off to St Louis on Tuesday (I’m praying for fall there because it’s still summer here and I’m over it!)

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Whoa is Me

I’ve been having myself a bit of a pity party lately. And the past few days have been really hard days. At least my pity parties have been on the elliptical at the gym or in spin class and not over a container of chocolate peanut butter ice cream. So my butt can thank me for that.

But I haven’t been feeling well (like for the last 6 months), I’ve been to the doctor and it’s either allergies or silent reflux (getting old is no joke) and they want me to go to an ENT but ain’t nobody got time for that. And I get the worst foot and leg cramps at night so I’m tired and grumpy.

We’re about 2 weeks out from our trip to see the doctor in St Louis and to say Sporty and I both have anxiety is an understatement. The good news is, the month of no running (which was ridiculously hard for Sporty) has come and gone and she is pain free! The rest and the gel inserts have helped and she’s fired up about her first softball tournament this weekend.

In addition to the looming of our St Louis trip, Young Jedi was diagnosed on the autism spectrum a few weeks ago (there I said it and it feels so liberating to admit his diagnosis), his diagnosis would be Asperger’s, if that still existed. {Don’t even get me started on that and how we’re failing so many kids by not recognizing Asperger’s.} I finally found a doctor who would listen to me, who probably thinks I’m a bit Bat shit crazy but didn’t blow me off or ignore me. He listened to my concerns, he saw I was at my wits end and on the verge of tears when he wasn’t going to meet with us because we were there with a sleep study and he’s not a sleep doctor, but he took the time to go over Young Jedi’s current diagnoses and current troubles and came up with the diagnosis I have asked about for years, with 3 different doctors {insert rolling eyes and frustration}. He even offered to call into our 504 meeting to offer suggestions for support for Young Jedi. I’m at peace with the diagnosis because the more I read about Asperger’s, it’s like the book is being written about Young Jedi. The diagnosis also connects a lot of dots for us. For years I’ve felt we’ve been missing something with him, that it wasn’t just ADHD and anxiety but more. I thought it was a sleep disorder so I went in expecting to leave a neurologist with some sleep meds but walked out with a kid on the spectrum, official diagnosis is atypical autism. I feel like I can take a deep breath and breath (minus the allergies or acid reflux that I have). I’ve found some really supportive friends here in Arizona who have connected me with speech therapists and friends who have kids on the spectrum and I am so thankful for the kindness that they have shown me. But I’ve cancelled two girls trips because as much as I need some mommy time, my kids need my time more.

But you guys, I’m tired. I’m over clubfeet. I feel guilty saying that but I am. I try to be all “we were given this for a reason, we got this, this will make a great story and Sporty is an inspiration.” But seriously, I’m over it. I don’t want it anymore. I know the doctor in St Louis is the best, but I don’t want to go to St Louis for treatment, I want to volunteer that day at the school book fair. I want to take Sporty to softball practice in Scottsdale that night. Sporty is so passionate about softball and is working so hard and getting so good that the thought of Clubfoot ruining it for her makes me literally sick to my stomach and keeps me up at night.

And life these days for kids is hard enough, I don’t want Young Jedi to have any additional obstacle. I want him to have friends. And I don’t even know where to start with autism. At least with clubfeet I had 16 weeks of being pregnant to prep, now I just feel like I’m treading water while a giant sea monster (Young Jedi’s current obsession which I’ve learned is part of Asperger’s) tries to pull me down.

It feels good to admit Young Jedi has Asperger’s. I’m proud of him, we wakes up every morning and tries to fit in a mold that wasn’t meant for him. Now that I know he’s not just a giant a-hole, that he literally doesn’t understand the world, I try to see the world through his eyes. His mind literally never turns off. He’s always seeking to understand this strange world that he sees with an entirely different set of filters. I really wish I could see the world for a day through his eyes. I love him for who he is and his beautiful mind and how he sees the world and putting it out there that he falls on the spectrum makes me feel like he can never feel I’m ashamed of him, like I’m trying to hide a piece of who he is. So while I want him to have an easy life I’m grateful for a diagnosis that will get us the therapy and programs that will help him thrive.

But sometimes I just want to have a pity party. Adulting is hard, life is tough, but I know we’re tougher. See you tomorrow spin studio for that pity party (but only because Poppa Bear ate all of the chocolate peanut butter ice cream because I would totally be getting involved in that right now.)

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A Chapter Ends

We made our trek up to NorCal this past week for what would become our last appointment with Dr Fluffy Unicorn. I found out last Monday on Facebook, while Sporty was at softball practice that Dr Fluffy Unicorn was leaving Stanford to go to London for a master’s program. My heart sunk, not only has he been treating Sporty since she was 10 days old but how was I going to tell Sporty that the one Dr who has always been her constant, her biggest fan (though he’s never seen her play), and who she admires so much, was leaving. She yelled “No!” when I first broke the news. Then followed it up with “Well we can always just go to London for my checkups, I’ve always wanted to see the Eiffel Tower.” {Insert facepalm here}. A) the Eiffel Tower is in Paris, not London. B) it’s really good that your amazing at softball because geography isn’t going to get you into college.”

Fast forward a week and Poppa Bear made a comment that her left foot looked like it was turning in, I had noticed it for a while but tried to convince myself I was being crazy knowing she had an appointment. A decade later and I still stress and over analyze her feet leading up to appointments. Then we were at the beach in San Diego and she was running barefoot and I just knew we would have a rough appointment, In addition to saying goodbye, I knew the news wouldn’t be spectacular, because she’s also been complaining that her left Achilles is giving pain after running at softball practice and it’s turning in, I’ve been around Clubfoot long enough to know that’s not a good equation.

Appointment day and we’re all stressed. Of course he’s running late and Young Jedi is the piece of work that he is. We’re all dreading the goodbye. Ironically, they put us in the casting room and as his office assistant put it so perfectly, you started your journey with us here and you’ll end it with us here. She’s retiring also, she saved me all of those serial castings and brace checks. She would scoop Sporty up out of my arms and walk her around before and in between casting changes, giving me a much needed break to collect my emotional, post-partum self and pull myself together. I don’t think she’ll ever know how much she saved me as a new mom dealing with a birth defect.

Then it’s time for Dr Fluffy Unicorn. “I heard a dirty rumor that this is goodbye.” “You’ll just have to come to London for treatment. Sporty, how’s everything going?” That was the blow, I traveled to see him because of that very simple question. Because for the last 2 years, he has put Sporty’s treatment in Sporty’s hands. Not what I see, or what I think but what Sporty feels and he has taught her to communicate and advocate for herself and that’s a really rare thing for a doctor to put that level of trust in a pre-teen. But they’re her feet, it’s her pain, and that’s how it should be. Even pediatricians address me and not her and she’s shy and doesn’t communicate what she’s feeling but with Dr Fluffy Unicorn, she opened up about her pain, about being afraid of another doctor touching her feet and messing them up and her never being able to play softball. That she wants to play in college and in the Olympics and if someone other than him treats her, she’s worried that may never happen. Everyone in the room was crying.

Then the exam and her Achilles are really tight. X-rays followed and fortunately the structure of her feet are near perfect. Like non-Clubfoot perfect. So that’s the one positive of the appointment. So it’s an Achilles issue. We talked about options. A repeat Achilles lengthening came up for the future (she had this done at 3 months) and then the water works really started. If she had surgery, she’d miss softball and lose her spot and softball is her life. Dr Fluffy Unicorn looked at her and said “Sporty, you’re my one chance at being on the cover of Sports Illustrated. I’m not going to let anyone mess you up!”

So here we are. We’ve been referred to go see a Dr in St Louis that is known all over the world for treating Clubfoot. He’s the only dr that was recommended to us. I’m not crazy about going to St. Louis but from the moment she was diagnosed with clubfeet at my 20 week ultrasound, I vowed to get her the best treatment to give her the best life and I won’t stop now. So it looks like Sporty’s story and journey continues, just in another chapter of her book. I hope we can close this next chapter and look back and say “that was a rough one” but we made it through because really the thought of her having to give up softball because of clubfeet, it makes me angry and sick to my stomach and question if everything really happens for a reason all at the same time.

This picture says it all of what Dr Fluffy Unicorn has done for Sporty and at 10 years old, she recognizes it. He has given her a life we never thought possible for her.

So we’ll close this chapter of our journey of the girl who was made to run with one last picture of her standing outside of Stanford Children’s, the last of 10 years worth of post checkup pictures.

So thank you Dr Fluffy Unicorn for all that you have done for our Sporty, I hope this is see you later (like at her college intent signing) and not goodbye.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

World Clubfoot Day

Another World Clubfoot Day is upon us and it’s time to celebrate not only my favorite Clubfoot kiddo- Sporty but also all of the friends we’ve made along the way! It’s also, Sporty’s favorite time to request a video produced by moi! We had trouble finding the perfect inspirational song that we have in the past but I finally settled on “Rise Up” by Audra Day because day after day, bump after bump, set back after set back, Sporty continues to “rise up” and to quote the song, I know she’ll continue to do it “a thousand times again.”

Since last World Clubfoot Day, we have relocated to the very warm Phoenix area. We’ve been here 11 months and it’s starting to feel like home (and like home is on the surface of the sun). We had one trip back to Dr Fluffy Unicorn in December and have another scheduled for mid-July. At our December appointment Sporty still showed some pretty significant tightness (she has grow almost 6 inches since January!) so he prescribed some custom AFOs which she’s been in for almost 6 months. Mom here isn’t entirely happy with her left foot but we’ll see what July brings.

Sporty of course continues to play softball (negligent blogging mom here missed the entire winter/spring tournament season) and is on a team that she absolutely loves. She’s been catching most of the innings and loves being back behind the plate. She continues to take hitting lessons and we’ve seen her bat wake up and she’s starting to get some hits, she’s been batting first or second in the order and her confidence is growing by the day.

Finally, we’ve started to give back to the Clubfoot community by volunteering for Clubfoot CARES, packing welcome envelopes for new and expecting families that are going to welcome Clubfoot into their lives. We’ve been really blessed with great treatment and a positive outcome and I felt it was important for Sporty to learn to give back. She packs each package and wonders if the family is having a boy or girl and if they will have one Clubfoot or two like she had. It’s really cute and inspiring how she’s embraced it.

Most importantly today is about education. My biggest fear when Sporty was diagnosed with her clubfeet was bullying. I was so afraid that her feet would look different and as she got older she’d get made fun of, cause let’s face it kids, especially girls, are mean. But I’m proud to say that Sporty fully embraces her feet and is confident enough to share and as a result can’t be bullied. She owns it like nothing we ever imagined in our wildest dreams. I expected her to keep her feet a secret at her new school but one day they were discussing what made people different and special and Sporty brought up her feet. Her classmates asked questions, she answered them and the next day she brought in her prior years’ World Clubfoot Day videos as well as casts and AFOs to share with her class. Talk about making yourself vulnerable! But her classmates embraced it and were moved by it. Many of them went home to tell their families about her feet, they googled clubfeet and learned about it and understood it. That’s what this is really about, education, acceptance, and embracing our differences no matter what they are.

So without further delay, World Clubfoot Day ala Sporty to the music of Audra Day. Keep “rising up” people!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Giving Back

I’m super excited to write this post! A few months ago, I volunteered Sporty and I to help the Clubfoot C.A.R.E.S organization and we got picked to put together packages for families that are welcoming their new Clubfoot warrior. The packages are full of all sorts of information a new Clubfoot family could ever ask for. A perfect job for Sporty and I!

I felt like it was time for Sporty to start giving back, I want to teach her (and Young Jedi) that we’re super fortunate and they’ve been exposed to the best care and resources (for each of their respective diagnoses) that we could find. We also live in a very privileged area and it was time to give back, to stop just taking but be positive contributors to society. We’ve always offered our help and guidance for new families but I wanted to do more!

When I told Sporty about our new volunteer work, she was SO excited! I thought for sure I’d get push back but for weeks she’s been asking me when we could get the packages going and we finally got all of our materials in, so today we packed our first set. I helped her for a few and then she totally took it over. She took complete ownership of it and I could tell she felt good putting these together (and if you’re a recipient reading this and you have a crooked label or wavey seal job, know that your package was packed with pure love by Sporty. She even wondered with each package if your baby was a boy or a girl, if they were bilateral like she was and what their name was going to be). Ironically, 10 years ago today (thanks Timehop) she had her first of three Clubfoot surgeries.

She even asked me to take a video of her packing (ignore me yelling at Young Jedi, he was being a turd. 🤣)

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

It’s Tourney Time!

A packed car can only mean one thing! It’s tourney time. Sporty joined a new team after a rough separation from her original team. She is so happy on her new team, the girls all support each other really well, the coaches are beyond encouraging and positive and she’s in love with the sport again. They had their first tournament this weekend and we had so much fun watching the girls start to come together. It’s a new team so there were some tough games (I.e. huge losses) but they already have the chemistry so I know they will come together and be successful.

Sporty played amazing. Maybe the best I’ve ever seen her play. She knows her coaches believe in her and so she’s confident and plays to her fullest. She caught 3 of the 4 games this weekend and considering it had been nearly 6 months since she caught and that she’s never caught at the 10u level, she did amazing. I am so proud of her, mostly because her ankle hurt too but she was determined to work through it. She earned nicknames like “go-go gadget arms” and “spidey wall.” And she felt good about herself. She batted in the #2 and #3 spot and was confident in the box. It was just so amazing to see after she had been so down.

And I can’t say enough good things about her coaches. Poppa Bear even looked at me in the middle of the game after hearing Sporty’s coach encouraging comments to Sporty while catching a very long inning and said “we really hit the jackpot with this team!” As an added bonus, the parents are all super friendly and welcoming!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Like Riding A Bike

Or at least you think it would be. You would think that after all of those years in her brace or in an AFO I would be well prepared for a new DAFO. The orthotics company ordered us fancy $30 a pair socks that she hated so I found myself the day after Sporty got her new DAFO staring at the sock aisle at Target because she wanted “thicker” socks, whatever that means! Confused like I felt 10 years ago when o was trying to find the right sock for her brace. See the right sock is the difference between blisters and discomfort and not wearing the brace and wearing the brace all night and getting progress. I came home with $70 worth of tube socks, all of which have been open and 50% have been tossed aside and deemed too thin, not tall enough, too cute to wear with a DAFO (the unicorn ones).

And then there was the adjustment period. I thought she would just adapt right to them. I thought it would be like riding a bike, especially because she’d been asking for her DAFOs for days, complaining she felt tight and needed a good stretch. But there were nights of tears. And I wanted to be weak, just like 10 years ago when she first started her brace as a baby and wailed in frustration. But just like I did a decade ago, I reminded myself this was for her own good. So I stayed tough, gave her Advil and made her wear them. And now, nearly a week later, she’s used to them. She even brought them to school to show her classmates and when her foot was tight during Benchmark testing, she put it on. Only Sporty would volunteer to wear her DAFO during the day when Dr Fluffy Unicorn said she didn’t need to.

So here we are in nighttime brace wear {again}, hoping we get more mobility so that we can avoid another surgery. Fingers crossed peeps!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

Suns Out Guns Out

Thought I’d share these videos just because the weather looks gorgeous and to remind myself when it heats up in the desert in a couple of months that next January it will be in the 70s and gorgeous. Sporty has been working hard at her hitting coach while we figure out her softball team. We finally have her on an awesome team coached by 3 women who were college softball players. They’re encouraging, nurturing and strict all at the same time. Sporty has never been happier and the coaches really seem to like Sporty and the effort she puts out at practice. I can’t wait to see what this season brings!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

On Our Way

Well it took 5 weeks but insurance finally approved a custom DAFO for Sporty. My call telling them that they could approve it or approve surgery may have had something to do with it buuuut we’re finally making progress in getting it. The orthotic place has been great about getting us in pretty quickly too so I took Sporty in last week for molding.

You know you’ve been around the block a bit when you’re 10 and you micromanage the orthotic guy molding your feet.

Hopefully we’ll have them in a couple of weeks! I’m excited to see if they help, Sporty really wants her cheetah speed back and I think a good stretch will help her in that department.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

A Decade

This post comes a few days after your 10th birthday Sporty but I promise you it’s been on my mind for weeks before you hit your double digits. I’ve actually been dreading this milestone even more than I’m dreading my big 4-0 later this week.

Sporty, I’m not sure where the time has gone. I know it sounds cliche but somehow between doctor’s appointments and softball practices and everyday life, you grew up. No longer my 4lbs of fury but a strong, resilient, smart, caring young lady. And it hit me, as fast as these 10 years have gone, I know the next 10 years are going to go even faster and that will make you 20 and that just makes me want to cry! You and your brother want to grow up so fast and I get it but stay young as long as you can! Stay young and carefree and fearless as long as you can because before I can blink, you’ll be 20 (and I’ll be 50 and well, that’s not acceptable!).

Your milestone birthday has got me thinking about those days 10 years ago following your debut. You were so small and we were so eager to start your treatment. You had a birth defect and 10 years later I can admit I was ashamed. Not of you, I could never be ashamed of you but rather that people would think I did something wrong during my pregnancy to cause your birth defect (and I hate that word because there was nothing defective about you, you just needed a little construction). I ate organic, I didn’t eat sushi or deli meat, I didn’t drink, I never smoked, I never did drugs, I took my prenatal vitamins but yet I had a baby with a birth defect. And I was ashamed, despite countless doctors telling me it was nothing I did, that short of it being genetic they weren’t sure what caused Clubfoot, I was still ashamed because I grew you, I carried you for 8 months and I didn’t do it right. I failed you. I made your life harder than it needed to be because the gene that causes feet to develop properly mutated. Despite science and facts, these feelings of failing you didn’t go away.

This is my biggest regret today. I wish I had taken more time to look at your perfectly newborn feet pre-correction. We only have a few pictures and now I find myself searching for those, reminiscing at how far you’ve come. All of the casts, surgeries, AFOs, braces that you’ve endured to live your best life ever. And that’s what you do. You have no fear, you live every moment to the fullest, you jump from rock walls, you slide into bases, you ride your bike off of curbs (despite my helicopter parenting advice not to do so). Now the shame has been replaced with pride and purpose. You and me kid, we were given Clubfoot for a reason.

So on your 10th birthday, my advice to you is…continue to live your life to its fullest, climb every mountain, round every base as fast as you can, ride your bike around the neighborhood like you’re crossing the finish line at the Tour de France (or Little 500, I don’t judge), block wild pitches at home plate like the game winning run is at 3rd base because 10 years ago we were told that you would barely be able to walk and compete in PE and here you are, proving it all wrong. Showing the world what you’ve got, showing that the human spirit is stronger than medical statistics. You’ve had bumps along the road but you continue to amaze and inspire us along the way. So happy double digits, I can’t wait to see what this year brings for you!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment